Dont tell me its over.

Today I realized that he hasn’t reply to my letter yet. I don’t even know if he plans to write back or not. I don’t expect though, because I know he did not expect what I told him on the letter. I don’t know whose fault is it, I don’t know if I should blame anyone. But, what did I do wrong to deserve this? Isn’t that enough, isn’t he satisfied with that? What do I need to do to let him understand? Why does it have to be so hard? Why does it have to be so complicated? Been years but still I keep my hope.. I don’t even know if he even deserved it, I don’t even know if it’s still worth it. Maybe I’m just too dumb, still tryna stay strong for nothing. I feel stupid, I feel used, and I honestly feel rejected. I don’t know why did this happen? I thought everything was good before, that everything will be better in the coming days but then it’s the opposite. He told me not to change, as in ever. But then why did he? Basketball is his life, he’s too focused on that. I can’t blame him; maybe he’s just not the right guy for me. Maybe ima forget about him soon, but how soon is it? I wanted to move on before but then I realize that I really can’t. I tried many times, but my feeling always comes back. If it’s true love, pain aint the reason to give up. Pain, hurt, and rejection makes us strong even it kills us. I could cry all day, but I know it aint worth every tear for me to be dumb, stupid! Man, you really changed. And I thought you care about my feelings, but now that I need you the most, you’re not here. You’re too scared to face things, you’re too scared to express your feelings, and you’re too scared to say it in my face. I thought you were the best, I thought you were different from all the guys I’ve been with. But dude, you made me realize that I could be a stronger person, a tougher kid cause even you’re not here for more than 2 years, I know I could stand up and speak up what’s really inside me. You taught me a lot. I really learned from you. And I’m thankful that you came in my life. But I don’t want it to be over, but if its fate I can’t change it. I just have to accept the truth. You can’t ever be mine, even though you never were. I don’t know if I’m mad at you. I just hate the fact that you making me feel stupid for not speaking up, for not even saying a word, for not even making the effort to say hi like u used to, and for not even saying a word and let me wait and think about your side. You changed man, and I thought you will stay the same. Grow up, grow up. God knows best, you might be mine, and there’s a possibility that you really not.