Fuckin hurtss.....

why does it hurt so bad right now? I aint tryna be emo or anything. I'm currently out wit the fellas and sis right now. he just came over and he left hecka quick.it feels different right now, I feel so dead. its kinda hard if u want someone but can't get it knowin the fact that he's with someone already. and he sees me as his lil sis.
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right now its 2:51 in the afternoon, i didnt get the chance to continue my blog last night cause i was kinda sleeepy. So lemme continue it now. I met this one guy one time by front lanes in target. Im sure that I already blogged about this before, but lemme start all over again. As I said, hes a coworker. I remember it was busy that night in target, I was at lane 17, busy tryna ring up the guests. I randomly saw him at lane 16 which is in front of lane 17. I felt that it was hecka adorable how he do the cashier stuff. I kept lookin at him and be like ahwww, thats cute. Minutes passed and I saw him by lane 15 which is the lane next to my lane talkin to the boss. I kept lookin at him, so as he. Maybe hes just wonderin why am i lookin at him and i was wonderin why he was lookin at me. I went to the breakroom and clocked out and talked to sis and some other people. I asked one of my friends to ask for his last name. We were just hecka gigglin and stuff. Weeks and weeks, i feel like its pretty obvious that he knows that I kinda have a crush on him. It kinda felt awkward seeing him at work and thinking that hes thinking that i have lil somethin for him. I thought that I'll never talk to and never would try. Me and sis was talkin one time bout stuff, we had a plan that she'll introduce me to him one day. I thought that day would never happen,well it did. I was waiting for Ron to drop me home, I was by the clerical talkin to sis when he came in to take his break. Sis introduced me to him, I said hi and he smiled. After couple of days, we started talkin on aim and i found it very weird cause I never expected for it to happen. We started having conversations about what happened before, I mean that him thinking that I like him. We talked bout stuff and ggot it all cleared up. So basically, "I dont like him anymore". Yes and its in quotations. One night, I was in the breakroom with John, I realized that he cumin in soon. When he saw he, he was tryin not to look at me but he was hecka smiling. And i was like so its like that? finnee. and then he smiled at me. He went in the breakroom while me and John was standing by the clerical. When he came out, he said wsup and I asked what time hes guna start even though i already know. He was coool. I came back from my break and I was at lane 17 one more time. Chino and I was talkin and decided to go by the front. We were actually talkin bout him when we saw him in front of us. I was like damn, good thing we wasnt mentioning any names. I stayed there for like 30 sec and he asked me to help him but some guest interrupted our conversation. From lane 17, I could hecka see him at his area workin. Why cant I stop lookin at him? Why do I wanna see him? I went back to the break room and clocked out. I was standin by the clerical, waiting for ate gina to drop me home. Someone put leaned on me randomly, and I looked back and saw it was him. His on his break. We went inside the breakroom. He sat by the t.v while i was at the back fixing my stuff. He turned around and i said to come over here. He sat beside me and we just talked about many different stuff. To be honest, I was happy. I was very glad. Weeks after, we still talked on aim and he started to callin me lil sis since i always call him bro. I made up a nickname for him which is funny face. Hes the sweet typa guy, hes kinda flirt but i dont know how to describe him. I wasnt sure before if i could come to that kick it day or not. I hecka beg my mom to lemme go since its almost my bday and i didnt even ask for any material things. Finally, she did. I kept askin him to come with us since he used to go with them before. He said hes guna go clubbin and might not come. I still kept askin him. Well, basically I was very hopeless. Okay fine dont go. I was waiting for them to pick me up around 11. I was IMing him around 10. He said he aint goen clubbin no mo but he will stay home and sleep. I was like, why dont u just go with us? He said he cant. So I was like okay its whatever. We went to serra bowl, but there were too many people in there. And no one wants to bowl anyways. We decided to go to Town and Country to play pool. There, we chilled. I drink some heiniken that tasted kinda aight but made my eyes look so sleepy. I was playin pool, when I saw him in there. My heart stopped for a second not knowing what to do, how to act, what to say. I was excited. He talked to sis and some other people at 1st. He said wsup to me. Its funny how he calls me momo in person but when he types it its mo2. Well, i made a sad face and hes like ahww. I sat by the couch and he sat next to me and put his arms around me. Hes like happy birthday mo. And then I was like it aint even my bday yet. Hes like same thing. We talked for a minute, and he said he has to go soon. Well, its okay atleast he came right? Well, when he left he gave me a hug and said happy valentines day. I was about to cry when I saw him walkin away. I dont know why i was feelin like that last night. It feels like i dont wanna let him go, it feels like i dont wanna keep him out of my sight. i talked to the peeps about it and they gave me advice. But come on, I told myself after errything got cleared up that I aint goen to like him anymore. I mean Ima try to stop and just be the lil sis he never had. But its hard, everytime I picture his face it makes me feel that something aint right when somethings are perfect. I wanted to be his friend for the 1st time, but now idk. Its hard knowin that he has a gf already, that we can only be friends, that he said were fam. It sucks. Now, everytime I see him at work. I dont know how to act, I mean Ima be the same person he 1st met but deep inside myself i dont know the right thing to do. Well, maybe its just a crush or something. I dont love him as much as i love 676. Maybe funny face is just too much to have and I dont need too much. God, i know You planned this. I know You got me. I love You. Take Care. God bless ya'll. Muahsss. =) (Maybe my longest blog ever, maybe)
And hey, happy valentines day!

*LOVE THAT HAS NO FRIENDSHIP FOR ITS BASE, IS LIKE A CASTLE BUILT WITH SAND.