Doing too much

In life there will come a time where you find yourself in a situation where you have no clue where you stand. You’ll feel stupid for still sticking up in a position where you see yourself helpless and hopeful for nothing. One day, I met this one person that I thought I wouldn’t be close with. I thought, I can only see him as a buddy and nothing more. Time went by really fast and I saw myself falling deeper and deeper every day. I asked my friends if they think this person likes me too, they told me yes because this person wouldn’t do stuff for me. I realized and found out that this person likes me as well. We kicked it almost every day, text each other, IMs, and we talk over the phone sometimes. I thought his efforts meant that he really does like me. It came to the point that he admitted what he truly feels, I was so happy knowing that he feels the same butterflies with me. Basically, I really like this guy. Couple months passed when he admitted that he isn’t ready to commit in a relationship. I could tell and see that, the way he talks, thinks and view of things feels like he’s not really used to this kind of things. I understand the fact that he calls himself as a “late bloomer” and I respect him for that. Days and weeks passed and he told me he likes other girls, I feel played that time. Why would you like me if you already like some other girls in a first place? Why would you do such thing that might hurt other people’s feelings? I forgave for that and understood that I am not committed to him, so I don’t have any rights to get mad if he does like other girls. So I and this guy pretended like nothing happened and went back to our closeness. We had random kick it days, eat out, chill and have fun. I’m trying to forget everything that he told me, about the girls. But one day, we had another argument. He told me he’s not ready, because I asked him about US. I asked if we going to stay like this forever, I meant being friends and he said Yes. I was shocked and hurt because I never thought he would say that. I feel unappreciated, I felt like shit. Why would you keep our closeness like this if you know you’ll never commit? What took you so long to tell me everything you feel? Why are you hurting me so much? He said he’s confused and unready; he apologized for keeping my hopes up. He told me it’s not the end of everything and I questioned him about him saying yes when I asked him if it is forever friends. He said he’s taking his words back, he said there’s always more to come. By the end of our conversation, I told him I needed time and he said he’ll give it to me. I said my goodbyes, I told him to take care of himself especially driving, he told me to go to school and stop smoking. I was crying in tears that night, I wasn’t sure if I could handle us not talking to each other, not even a text or IMs. I slept on my bed wondering what did I do wrong to deserve this, what bad did I do to him to treat me like some piece of nothing? He admitted it was his fault that I’m in pain, that I was crying and he kept saying his sorry. He wanted us to be friends still, and I approved on that. The next day, I woke up with his text asking if I want to kick it with them. So I went the next day to hang out with him, I asked him why he texted me and he said he can’t handle us not talking and my day went boom. That day went out well, as if nothing happened. I don’t know if I’m really stupid or if I’m just really nice. Other females would quit talking, stop seeing and not even think about a guy who would do that to them, but I am not other females. Maybe, I’m just being a martyr now. I can’t manage to get mad and ignore people just because I’m hurt and angry. I’m the type of person who would solve things out and open myself in every possible way. I can’t be mad at him yet I truly understand what he feels. He’s not used to this situations, he’s not matured enough to handle this problems. I don’t know now, I don’t know what my true feelings are. I want to be his friend; I don’t want to lose him. I’m not trying to rush him, and I promised myself not to expect anything to anyone anymore. Ima stay chill from now on, and quit doing too much.