Cry it out, Cry it loud

I remember how I promised to myself and even to God that I will always love him, that he will always be my number one, my boo, my one and only. But what happen now? Wheres all the love, the hope, the trust? It didnt fade, but its totally gone, over and done. Did I really love him because thats what my heart was sayin or did i love him because i got used to saying i love him? Now is the hardest part, now is the time to focus on what really matters, on whats really important. I believe i loved him, I really did. Hes one of the best thing that happened to me but now maybe I'll look at him as a past, a person who made me fall but never catches me. I believed on my own lies and now I suffer from it. Love is something thats so strong but could get tired. I tried to be strong, I tried not to lose the love, I tried to hold on cause I felt like Im tougher for doing that but everyday I feel like a castle built with sand that breaks little by little. Love will always stay but feelings could go away. It hurts to say its over when you feel like maybe theres still hope. Im so confused, i feel so lost in this situation. Im physically happy but im crying inside. I miss everything, I miss how it used to be before. He cant even say whats up anymore, but why would he? We're just friends, i aint his priority, im just a friend. Love will always lead people back, if hes mine then he is, if hes not then its gone forever. One more thing, this one guy im talking to. It feels different, it felt like he healed all the pain from my ex. But its hurting me too, i dont know everytime i see him im excited, im happy but it hurts deep inside knowing that what if hes only tryna be nice or what if he only see me as a crush, and what if he aint feelin me like that. My friends told me, i gotta think about myself, focus on my priorities. Start goen to school, dont be lazy, stop smkoing, quit drinking, and all that. I guess their right, sure they are. I gotta take care of myself before I focus on others. But love, why does it have to hurt so bad? Why does it have to be too painful? Why is it killing me at this moment?